The Long Road Back {Brian Adams}

The time has come - the move has begun!

Bright an early the movers came to pack up the house. I must say I was quite relieved when I discovered that it was mostly women who would be at least just doing the packing. I hate the idea of men going through my personal items (tampon boxes in the bathroom, underwear in the sock drawer - eek!) But it's amazing the work we had to do to pack the things we didn't want packed. Because we will be living out of suitcases for about a week and so we have to pack items and clothing that we need with us for that amount of time. It's like getting ready for vacation but instead of anticipating fun and relaxation I'm staring into the face of stress and fear.

I'm very frustrated with life. Besides just the fact that I'm moving away from my home my senior year and away from my best friend, a lot of opportunities here have just opened up that I don't have the option to explore. I've made a really good relationship with Victoria, who is going away to college anyways, but I could see her and I being very close if we had more time together. If i were staying I would probably be dating Edgar, who of course I finally found out likes me back a week before I move. My pony Isaac and I have just started to make headway in our rides together, both as far as his learning to be ridden and my confidence in riding him.

But dwelling on what I am leaving behind won't do me any good and I know this. If my new friendships are meant to last then they will, no matter how difficult that may be. And if they don't then I can look back fondly on the fun I had with them. Isaac and I have gone through so much together, I know that he loves me as much as I love him no matter if he belongs to me or not. Marley and I will be best friends for life hands down. History has shown that we are just meant to be together, through all the fights and the separations and the crap we have put each other through for eight years.

And moving gives me great opportunities! I get to be closer to my family, which I haven't had since I was very very little. I finally get to say that I am taking a trip to see my aunt for the weekend or have my grandparents come see a play I am in. I get to make a fresh start at who I am and what I want to do. I feel like MD holds a lot of baggage for me, and when I move, no one knows about it, no one will judge me about it, I can be who I want to be. I have a chance to break bad habits and be the person I know I can be. I have a chance to be independent and make decisions and support myself. Meeting new people is always exciting, and Midwestern boys are HOT!

The journey there (including settling in, not just the physical move) is going to be difficult and exhausting. I need to work on allowing people to help me, to open up and confide in people, to show emotion in front of people I know I can trust. If I dont, if I continue to try to keep it to myself then I will most likely burn out and the transition will be so much more difficult.