First official day as an Illinois resident.
It was eventful yet not. I woke up this morning and felt, well, numb is the only way to put it. I really didn't feel anything. My brain was telling me that I'm still stuck in here and my friends are still in MD, and you have long day of sightseeing and adjusting ahead of you - but I didn't really feel it.
I was woken up by my phone vibrating (you can see where my priorities lie when my parents walking around my room doesn't wake me, b
ut my phone set to vibrate does) and its Mama asking what I want for breakfast. Now, as nice as it is to be able to choose between French Toast and pancakes for breakfast ( I am not a big fan of pancakes if given the choice) this call ended up preventing me from falling back to sleep. My brain had to wake up enough to make an educated decision about my food choice, and after that mental workout I was too stimulated to fall back to sleep. So I got up and shuffled to the bathroom (tripping over the dog bed, Joshua's suitcase and his feet in the process) only to discover that my darling brother has clogged the toilet. Okay not a big deal, I can just cross over rooms and use my parents' bathroom (we have adjoining rooms). But no! Their door is closed and I am unable to open it. I proceed to frantically text my mom to hurry home or else housekeeping will have an unpleasant mess to clean up later.
I ended up crying in the shower, because for some reason, showers are huge emotion stimulator (maybe its just me). The combination of water and steam and heat; it's just an environment that says 'you are safe here, go ahead and let go." So I took a really long, emotional shower and by the time I got out, Victoria and Stephen were awake and texting me - which made me feel better and worse at the same time.
I was at the point where I couldn't stand to be alone (and alone not just me myself and I, but I find myself feeling alone when I am with my parents and Josh too) so I texted Mimi and asked if she would come and see me today. I ended up having a great time with her - we went to the mall and had our girls coffee time. When we got back to the hotel though, I felt like I needed space, so I spent an hour or so putting music on my Itunes while everyone else played Wii in the next room. I felt bad, like I was being antisocial and rude, but I really just needed space (something I am needing more of lately), but I gave in and played Phase 10 with them all later - which was loads of fun and I do not regret.
When they left I took some more "me" time and took advantage of the comfy, cozy lobby and curled up with Count of Monty Cristo (which is a book I think I will make a tradition of reading once a year).
We are apparently going to church tomorrow morning which annoys me. Beyond my feeling tired all the time and hating the idea of getting up early and getting dressed up to go somewhere, I don't like the idea of church in general. (This post is going to worry my mother and going to inspire a 'conversation' later, I can feel it) But God and I have not been on the same page for a while now. To be honest, I am very angry with Him, for a lot of things. Mainly now for uprooting me (because according to everyone I have spoken to, this move is a "God thing"). It's difficult to explain - I still believe in Him, and know that a lot I am doing right now, from my actions and words to my attitude, isn't honoring Him, but I really don't want to follow Him. I think I will eventually, but right now, it's just the last thing I want. Take that as you will. Point of the story: I don't want to go to church tomorrow.
I am currently talking to Victoria about how she is scared to be at home alone. I'm telling her to blast music and dance and sing in front of her cats. Apparently she has tried that already, dancing with a bag of Cinnamon in her hand, and the cats are too preoccupied with the cinnamon to care about her sexy dancing. My amusement for the night. That, and Josh is watching some sports game next to me, and won't stop fidgeting, pacing, hopping around (he is literally jumping up and down in anticipation-I should get a video). I am getting annoyed by this, but it's semi-amusing, so I won't say anything. (and he just stubbed his toe, this is too much :p)
I love you Stephen, Tom and Victoria! Think about you every waking moment of the day
It was eventful yet not. I woke up this morning and felt, well, numb is the only way to put it. I really didn't feel anything. My brain was telling me that I'm still stuck in here and my friends are still in MD, and you have long day of sightseeing and adjusting ahead of you - but I didn't really feel it.
I was woken up by my phone vibrating (you can see where my priorities lie when my parents walking around my room doesn't wake me, b
ut my phone set to vibrate does) and its Mama asking what I want for breakfast. Now, as nice as it is to be able to choose between French Toast and pancakes for breakfast ( I am not a big fan of pancakes if given the choice) this call ended up preventing me from falling back to sleep. My brain had to wake up enough to make an educated decision about my food choice, and after that mental workout I was too stimulated to fall back to sleep. So I got up and shuffled to the bathroom (tripping over the dog bed, Joshua's suitcase and his feet in the process) only to discover that my darling brother has clogged the toilet. Okay not a big deal, I can just cross over rooms and use my parents' bathroom (we have adjoining rooms). But no! Their door is closed and I am unable to open it. I proceed to frantically text my mom to hurry home or else housekeeping will have an unpleasant mess to clean up later.I ended up crying in the shower, because for some reason, showers are huge emotion stimulator (maybe its just me). The combination of water and steam and heat; it's just an environment that says 'you are safe here, go ahead and let go." So I took a really long, emotional shower and by the time I got out, Victoria and Stephen were awake and texting me - which made me feel better and worse at the same time.
I was at the point where I couldn't stand to be alone (and alone not just me myself and I, but I find myself feeling alone when I am with my parents and Josh too) so I texted Mimi and asked if she would come and see me today. I ended up having a great time with her - we went to the mall and had our girls coffee time. When we got back to the hotel though, I felt like I needed space, so I spent an hour or so putting music on my Itunes while everyone else played Wii in the next room. I felt bad, like I was being antisocial and rude, but I really just needed space (something I am needing more of lately), but I gave in and played Phase 10 with them all later - which was loads of fun and I do not regret.
When they left I took some more "me" time and took advantage of the comfy, cozy lobby and curled up with Count of Monty Cristo (which is a book I think I will make a tradition of reading once a year).
We are apparently going to church tomorrow morning which annoys me. Beyond my feeling tired all the time and hating the idea of getting up early and getting dressed up to go somewhere, I don't like the idea of church in general. (This post is going to worry my mother and going to inspire a 'conversation' later, I can feel it) But God and I have not been on the same page for a while now. To be honest, I am very angry with Him, for a lot of things. Mainly now for uprooting me (because according to everyone I have spoken to, this move is a "God thing"). It's difficult to explain - I still believe in Him, and know that a lot I am doing right now, from my actions and words to my attitude, isn't honoring Him, but I really don't want to follow Him. I think I will eventually, but right now, it's just the last thing I want. Take that as you will. Point of the story: I don't want to go to church tomorrow.
I am currently talking to Victoria about how she is scared to be at home alone. I'm telling her to blast music and dance and sing in front of her cats. Apparently she has tried that already, dancing with a bag of Cinnamon in her hand, and the cats are too preoccupied with the cinnamon to care about her sexy dancing. My amusement for the night. That, and Josh is watching some sports game next to me, and won't stop fidgeting, pacing, hopping around (he is literally jumping up and down in anticipation-I should get a video). I am getting annoyed by this, but it's semi-amusing, so I won't say anything. (and he just stubbed his toe, this is too much :p)
I love you Stephen, Tom and Victoria! Think about you every waking moment of the day
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