Ain't Seen or Heard From You, Been Missin You Crazy {Jesse McCartney}

So I have been without internet for a couple days which has caused some difficulty for me - I haven't been able to talk to people nor have I been able to blog here (and let us not forget that I have not been able to check facebook in four days - 104 notifications!!!). Difficulties.

The past three or four days have been some of the most stressful of the entire move. I went to the high school with my family both to register my brother for school and to get more information about what needed to be done to get me into the dual -credit program. That went on for what felt like hours and led me to be absolutely opposed to attending high school at Normal West. I walked in the building, and have you noticed that when you enter a high school the whole setting makes you on edge and uneasy? Just me? Okay, anways, so I was convinced that high school here is not the way for me to go. The next day began the nightmare that was registering me at Heartland Community College. We went over there early in the afternoon to fill out paperwork, and I had to take all sorts of placement tests, and an online orientation, and the amount of paperwork and forms that had to be filled out - plus there were tons of people there to do the exact same thing that I was doing, because we all know that we tend to wait until the last minute to do all of this stuff, SO we were all there trying to squeeze in registration. As it turns out, seeing as I haven't seen any numbers besides those on a liscense plate or clock since the beginning of June, I didn't do that well on the math section of the placement test. In fact, I did so poorly that it prevents me from enrolling in either Calculus or Biology (2 out of the 3 classes I was planning on taking). So I have to spend the weekend studying precalc (blech) so I can go through that hell again to retake the test and HOPEFULLY do better than that terrible display. But, four hours after arrival at the school, we left Heartland for home, and the amount of stress that was packed into that four hours brought me to tears in the car with my aunt and mom and little cousin Sarah (though I don't think Sarah cared that much, she was distracted by the veggie tales being played on the portable dvd player in front of her, which was actually what calmed me down and allowed me to hold myself together until I got home).

On a side note: I don't like to cry in front of people. I cry in front of my mom a lot, but I don't even like doing that. It isn't that I am uncomfortable with the people, but I like to appear strong and in control of myself, and I hate letting my guard down. Which has been difficult during this whole move because I am extremely emotional and stressed out all the time (my face looks like the Battle of Gettysburg has broken out all over it). I have cried in front of John Viera, who is like a brother to me, my family, and just recently Tom, Victoria and Stephen. That's it.
I called John today because I was having a bit of a meltdown in the backyard by myself, and I needed someone to comfort me (and I feel like I cry to Victoria, Tom and Stephen too much, they need a break from my fragile state), so I called John and within five minutes I was laughing and dancing around my backyard (yes, I dance around when I talk on the phone). I haven't talked to him in a while, something that I regret and I will make a point to talk to him a lot more in the future. We have gone through a lot together, our friendship has survived time, difference, people who oppose us, people who think we are dating, our own crushes on each other and the drama that has resulted from those crushes; he is very special to me.

I have been making a lot of plans already for my trips back to MD. I am looking forward to winter break, I am hoping to have a job and save money between now and then for travel, then spend a couple weeks out there. I have already checked plane and train fares, vacation dates, who I could potentially be staying with, etc. It helps keep me going, if I give up hope and just conclude that I won't be able to go back and see my friends and pony until next summer, I would be even more depressed than I am now. The hope and the planning keeps my engine running.

And I just have to vent once more about how much I miss Edgar. The four people I miss most from Maryland are Victoria Tom Stephen and Edgar, because they were the ones I spent the most time with over the summer, everday I was with at least one of them. I talked to Edgar every day even if I didn't see him, and it's hard to go from that to cold turkey no contact (his phone is still disconnected, but I relentlessly call his phone every day and will continue to do so - pathetic). I have been in regular contact with Stephen and Tom and Victoria, which is really good for me too. I spent the whole day skyping with Tom and Stephen, and plan to be online with Victoria later tonight. But no Edgar :-( Okay I'm done with that.

Mom and I went and saw the place where we will be boarding River. It's a nice place, small compared to where he is at now, but not a bad size as far as property goes. I was a little intimidated by it at first, and to be honest I still am. It is a completely different feel from what I am used to as far as boarding barns go - but maybe mom is right and I will get used to it. I'm just excited for River to get here so I can have SOME horse interaction. Though it's too bad that we won't have another horse here so mom and I can ride together. I'm trying really hard not to think about Isaac, its too painful. Even when he was away for off sight training last year and I didn't see him for just four months, I would think about him and just cry because I missed him so much. So the idea that it will be a whole year - I just can't think about it. So I don't. Except I am right now. Done thinking about it.

Sophie was waging war against a giant junebug earlier. It flew in the door as I came back from a walk with Hope, and Sophie went right for it. It at first just sat still and waited to see if she would go away. And she tried to bite and eat it, but it was too small, so she started pawing at it. The bug, after realizing that the dog was going to end up injuring it if it didn't do something, so it spread its wings and tried to fly away. Sophie was so excited by this moment that she pawed it down to the ground again and tried to roll on it. When the rolling didn't work (she missed the thing by a mile) she reverted back to pawing, but very vigorously this time, her whole body wiggling and her head tossing from side to side. After a few minutes of this, she walked away from it and we all waited to see if it was truely dead or not. It was laying on its back, and truely looked like it was a war casualty - two legs in the back twitching and the rest motionless. We considered this to be enough, and scooped it up in the dustpan, and to the garbage bin which would act as the poor things coffin.

Still waiting for Victoria to get online, but that's all I have to say for the night. Goodnight all!